On Patience

I have a really hard time with waiting for anything. Once it’s been decided that I’m going to get or do anything, I want it to happen immediately. This has been particularly difficult to reconcile with our infertility issues. Not only are we waiting at the hands of medicine and doctor’s decisions and perfect timing for our someday baby pool, but every step of this adventure is full of waiting for something. It makes it really hard to live each day to the fullest when I’m so anxious for a new day; to start different medication, have an ultrasound, find out if this combination of drugs was the magic one, etc.
Saturday morning is the next u/s and I am so anxious to get there, I fear I might lose 3 days of my life. These next few days could be great days, but not if they are full of nervous wondering and playing out a million different scenarios of Saturday. No amount of worry is going to make it get here quicker or have a different outcome, so I might as well move it to the back of my mind and embrace what these next few days have to offer. Maybe I can find some bliss in the not-yet-knowing.

Advertisements